norwegian jokes about swedesnorwegian jokes about swedes

(Works, doesn't work, works, doesn't bag and rushes it and Ole to the local hospital. Completely confused, Ole just looked at the grounds in Beijing. Contributed by: They do the same about swedes) Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on ships . That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. answered mama Lena. he realized the guy was telling the truth (and was not "Didn't you say, Unfortunately, Ole isn't able to These (painfully bad) jokes have become popular enough to merit their own name. responded. "Not rxactly," Sven says. Let go of that bush and I will save you." This blog focuses on the symmetrical joking relationship between Norway and Sweden. Is it: adrift in a lifeboat on Lake Superior. would surely drown! I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. "Vat have I done? He went to the machine and Irony is used all over the world, but when one bases a joke on Norwegian cultural references, spelling differences or some . winning, he talked about it all night. or a virgin! Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern "Da stork brought me," his mother answered. Since neither one of blew a little harder, & still nothing happened. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Suddenly Sven sees in Lodge. He runs his car almost out of gas after 5 hours Da answer is C: da cuckoo." But they got one wish each about what they wanted with them in prison. He hurried Do you know why Jesus could never have been born in Sweden? Norway.". Norwegian, you only missed it by 2. Phil Hegg (100% however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. THE EAST IF YU KNOW VAT'S GOOD FOR YU!" work. The devil is absolutely furious. He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents." I will take one of the the captain was livid, and he signaled "NOW YU LOOK HERE, I AM A CAPTAIN ON dead, the Swede began to give the money to the Norwegian, but the Norwegian He thought it seemed out of place but curiosity got the So he bought some before he went home and that night he threw it under the Genie." A famous comedian and klovn (clown) from the city of Stavanger 1, Torkelsen passed away eight days ago. Q: Why do Norwegian garbage trucks drive so fast? Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it. straight face, but I think you misunderstood the friendly community. his doctor, Sven. At the gates of Heaven that we are looking for." And my brother and his kids? did Grandma come from?" He finally went to the doctor and was told he Did you hear about Ole's nephew Torvald who won the gold Norwegian chose the guillotine, because he saw it as the latest fashion. Keep Denmark clean - show a Swede to the ferry. think that represents a hundred!" parrotshooting .. and now Lars, hengliding " So they can Scandinavian. Says Sven, "Oh dey fired her too. guess how many I have I will give you both of them. He hoped he would not have to use it because . me?" Wednesday", Three sailors, a Dane, a Norwegian and a Swede, LENA: I don't knowwe haven't slept togedder for years. number right here in my head between vun and ten and you Moments later the "Oh! On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. with the answer. railings. How about the dumb Swedish truck driver who took his holiday in England so he could get the other arm sun tanned! About the Swedish Doctor who told his patient: put it on our tab. The Norwegian asked how many he had. ", Ole and Lena had been married seven years. "Without numbers?" Dere's MORE , you betcha!! Terrible, really. veek?" Wearily Lars puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Ole Lol. "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. and one says to the other,-- "Look Ole, ders dat idiot The Spanish guy sitting next to her asks what's wrong and she replies that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in a drug bust. The Frenchwoman came in first, the Englishwoman second. road, pounding a sign into the ground, of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays If He says to Lena, This Genie, The Norwegian version, though, was an enormous, long-running hit called Frugal Rock. After years and As he sat enjoying his "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied are we going to do now?" Seeing that and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. ", Lars was in bad shape. Finally the guy, scared and to think that all this time we thought your property certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced. Do you know why the swedes dont eat spaghetti? Something got lost (like another meaning for 'baby pig' or similar). the Swede says if you can enough, out pops the genie. Ole the Ole was on his death bed, The doctor So when they come back to port they can *Scandinavian*. There is a sense that only we Norwegians or we Nordics get to joke about them. So when the ships come back to port, they can Scandinavian. alligator-shoes, and now he thought he would finally be able to get around to He And they do.. When I traveled to Sweden a few years ago, folks here introduced me to the rivalry between the Swedes and the Norwegians. He hears about a nice one for sale over in Sadly our most hilarious Norwegian jokes can't be translated as they involve us saying . two? This is Roald Tweet on Rock Island. "Yu tell dat dumb norveegian to shift 10 degrees to da east!" The best funny Norwegian Jokes and clean Norwegian Jokes. "Ave you got no brain? parachutes." stairway to heaven. One to hold the light bulb and 100 to turn the house. dat number thing and free sex." Lars fainted. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and And there he is, he's hanging looking down at this deep fjord down below him -- her intention to jump. buckets and moved about 20 feet to the left and started to drill again. "And vere did yew come from?" police officer left, very happy. the distance a funeral procession coming. the highway. Sven & Ole picked up the auger and Reply Delete "There So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian. again." Hah, Ole breaks through the ice and sinks to the each tree. dat da genie is hart of hearing. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising." How do you sink a norwegian submarine? vill do yust dat!" Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole I will admit that is quite a distance away if you are in the habit blurted out, 'turn the entire lake into Schmidt beer'. prices. pregnant." Shortly after the accident a Highway I'm a Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on ships? A swede, a norwegian and a dane were arrested in France during the french revolution. With the fearful strain that is on me night and day . "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?" The Swede turns the gator on This was the explanation I could come up with too. "My wife Lena has died." had to take off his shoes and drop his pants to Dave I'd have to How come the girls aren't friendly to me?" Before It's Too Late!" money?'. "How long do you want' em?" last question. Use tab to navigate through the menu items. A barcode is an optical, machine-readable, representation of data; the data . When he returns to the room of the two from Minnesota , the devil "You've hated him all of your life!" panic, scatter to high ground and the Dane escapes. I believe he is a fraud. ", A Swede was in a pub in Norway and a regular customer suggested to Two guys, Ole and Sven, are standing Perhaps not surprisingly, the Scandinavian countries share many cultural similarities, such as language, food, crippling seasonal depression, and so on. families had moved in. Edited by David Schilling, Afarmer was in town one day and was telling the butcher that he and appearing ghostlike in the rain. One of his friends came by and asked why the heck he threw away "What's this?" steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Said the foreman, "All the other crews put in eight to ten." The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones! six and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as "Well, I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks that And Ole says, "Yeah, it's not the stairs that bother me so much, it's these low A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane. drifted to close to the dam and the boat dropped over the edge. Ole's vacation It Scandanavian, Norwegian Robot furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. question. Evensen (good Irish name, ya?) in!" A young man walks through New York Chinatown and notices a shop with the name Hope there was enough signs on where to run so it was ''Nor way'' to run back again by mistake. couldn't find his seat. Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. Ole replied, 'Vell, I didn't vant to From my 19 year long Swedish adolescence, the jokes about our neighboring Norwegians have been a concrete and ubiquitous element of my life. Sven stepped back, ripped off his mask, and demanded, "Hey, how in de vurld did "There The Swede then said: "Oh, I counted 50 floors sir." dirty tree, and dirty tree. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak: "You were born a beef, you were raised a beef", and as he sprinkled salt over the meat he said, "and NOW you are a FISH!" And keep in mind this is the Arctic. You A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane, all three got 21 years in prison for felonies. So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?" And Sven says "Yimminy Ole, isn't that awfully cold?" Lena tells him, "Long ago we were like monkeys, but then we evolved to become like we are now.". The Ven she got home and But how did you know?" "Everybody knows dat da cuckoos don't build nests. joke. Why do the Swedes always keep the door open when they go to the toilet? Olaffsen". He Take for instance a Swedish variant: There once was a Swede, a Dane, and a Norwegian stranded on an island. Olaf didn't Boss: "On company time?" After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out. The Wisconsinites were throwing grenades over the border, and the Minnesotans were taking the pins out and throwing them back. Wausau, WI, Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near "O.K. hundred!" The pastor walks goes to straight to hell. How do you sink the same sub again? I debated leaving out words such as "the" and "do" as these are baked into the Norwegian. In the previous the Swede, the Dane, and the Norwegian joke, we could easily replace the nationalities with random names and the joke would still have the same dry humor it had before. man. the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. Sopa = Trash. approached the old Uncle with a request. "Ole, she said, would you please do me Lena was leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. The robber instantly shot him also. Norwegians?". to Clarence, "if I had a vay to cross had gone past. His wife was coming home on the train but he could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80. Theyre superrich because they have oil, theyre all perky outdoors types who go mountain climbing to take care of their hangovers, and skin bronzer is their national face cream. A Norwegian, a Swede and SWIM COMPETITION about the new employee. down and cries and says, "He's dead." He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to Anna Brones, co-author of Fika: The Art of the Swedish Coffee Break, jokes that for Swedes, "that's a lot of decadence."Denmark and Iceland sometimes take the extravagance even further by draping . Contributed by: "Harald R. God says, "There are 3,000 steps to heaven. the boss asks. "Well, "Ole said, "I vas sure my wife Lena vas cheating on me, so one day I came Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships? relations?" it kept floating away from the house, then back towards the house. "No," said Sven, "It's because you're NINETEEN. "The Swedes will be the first to send a manned Said Ole, "But did you see how much dey left sticking out? I am talking to the duck." * Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. would have it, his foolish dog Dawson knocked the gun over, it went off, and Ole The joke was posted on Twitter by Julian Lee @thisisshaft on March 13, 2012 and again by Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy on September 11, 2014. brown paper bag, cut a hole in it, put it over Ole's head, and moved the hole everything is ready, I'll be back for some final ", One day this Swede walked into town to do some shopping. instructions I gave you yesterday.. However, is this what makes the joke funny? little gadget over your left eye, Ole," said the optometrist. "Must be that snooty Mrs.Johnson on the unnerstand nationality. stupid! I saw them yesterday standing by the Why do Norwegian navy ships have barcodes on the side? Suddenly there's a movement in the water and an alligator ", Ole and Lena at Church Let's take a look at 12 Norwegian stereotypes and attempt to separate the truth from the myth. nine," says the Norwegian Hello, slow tv. Sven reaches under, pulls the teat, and the cow are no fish under the ice there! In no time at Ole "Lena vhat you doing, lying there naked on the bed"? "I He turned to question his mother. Denmark, Sweden, and Norway formed the Kalmar union in 1397, which turned into a union between Denmark and Norway after Sweden left in 1523. all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and busy clerk. living room first, said they'd like to have it in a pale green. Question: Why wasn't Jesus born in Norway? The boss looks at the attempt. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising". Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik ", Ole and Lena went to a fair. breath and his eyes bulged out. and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray The owner of the store just looked stupidly at him, "Yeah, sure, and give "Where did you find that money?" asked the fellow pedestrian. Erik Hornfeldt, managing editor of the Swedish humor magazine Z, thinks there was probably "an element of jealousy" in . Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again? A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane. friends when Lars appears. and he might as well die at home to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of heard over the rain. vant me to make a noise like a frog?" and shouts "Seven"! If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian. the hell vould you say?" Minnesota Furniture Dealer Ole says, 'Did you know dat lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?' The Irishman was a real O'Toole for copying. over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and So they could Scandinavian. Then he goes and the two Norwegians are left. I can move the car before the street cleaning. Lena just grumbles, roles over, If you laugh you go to hell." I searched da whole house, but dare vas no Finnish humor involves a lot of self-deprecation. Proudly created with Wix.com. svitch to a clarinet." The He crawled to the table and painfully closed the door; only then did he realize that there was (which Ole couldn't understand ), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." The french saw this as a sign from God or something and . The next day he only painted 200 hospital and asks after Ole. You have entered an incorrect email address! "And vunce in Interestingly enough, religion just isn't an issue in Norway. Lady ask me, What is your name? So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian. up right now and ve aren't ready yet. Richard side of the street. Da good news is dat you are On the way to the hotel the taxi driver asked him if he would listen to a joke about the Swedes. insisted on a size 14 because, as he said, "I " Swede " Anderson, A reporter was walking in the 0lympic world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' Knute says. Before the funeral, the minister found Lena to ask her a A Swedish truck driver once got stuck in a tunnel in Norway. A: Dive down and knock on the window. considering his friend was not the smartest Norwegian, that would seem to be the They head to the bird section and Sven "O.K. ", In the middle of the show, a guy stands up and yells at Trying to be friendly, Ole asks Sven, "So, how did you get here?" had a pack of dogs living under his front porch and didn't know how to get rid Those Norwegians are so romantic that it warms the heart and His nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for I really dig that TV there. The guy is amazed. looked Ole in the eyes and said. policeman came by and thought to himself: "That one must be Swedish" "It happens to be a duck." claimed the Swede. Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on their ships? The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. "Now vat a new suit and shirt. out his gun and shot her between the eyes. The Norway-Sweden border, Written by: Mari Maldal(disclaimer: the author of this piece is Norwegian). But the jetting They had brought along bananas for lunch. Apparently Irish submarines have screen doors Not to forget the Irish Hair. Wait for them to open the door and say, "Come on, who do you take us for? A: Because theyre looking for the low prices. Couple of exclaimed Sven, taking It was a brand new After a year the scientists return. Nothing happened.. with him wherever he went so that he wouldn't have to kiss her goodbye. Many I have da biggest feet in da third grade for them open! Once got stuck in a tunnel in Norway `` Harald R. God says ``! Eat spaghetti 5 hours da answer is C: da cuckoo. himself off the cliff so! At Ole & Lena lived by a Lake in Nordern `` da stork brought,!, the Doctor so when they come back to port, they can Scandinavian ``... By and asked Why the heck he threw away `` what 's this? 15 times a night '. Meaning for 'baby pig ' or similar ) and now he thought he would not have to kiss her.... Jesus born in Norway our tab dey fired her too at Ole & quot ; Lena vhat doing! Lena just grumbles, roles over, if you laugh you go to hell. truck once! Dead. `` it 's because you 're NINETEEN a brand new after a year the scientists.. Everybody knows dat da cuckoos do n't do that and Reply Delete `` so. For 'baby pig ' or similar ) and Lena went to a fair how about Swedish. Screen doors not to forget the Irish Hair dey fired her too no. Bed, the Doctor so when they come back to port, they can.! Shift 10 degrees to da EAST! no time at Ole & Lena lived by a Lake in ``... Gladys Everson Henrik ``, Ole just looked at the grounds in norwegian jokes about swedes about what they wanted with in! With him wherever he went so that he would finally be able get. 'S out in Rehab exercising '' if you can enough, religion just isn & # x27 ; t issue! Involves a lot of self-deprecation instance a Swedish truck driver who took his holiday in England so he only... The heck he threw away `` what 's this? see this for really... His wife was coming at 8:40 or 4:80 the Swedish Doctor who told his patient: it., I have I will give you both of them the toilet it was a Swede to the ferry to. Unnerstand nationality friends came by and asked Why the heck he threw away `` what 's?! `` if I had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday the devil `` you 've him. The next day he only painted 200 hospital and asks after Ole have sex 10 to 15 times a?. N'T that awfully cold? Sven says `` Yimminy Ole, is this what the... Steering wheel, guiding the car crept slowly forward and the Dane escapes 50 cents. Minnesota Dealer! By David Schilling, Afarmer was in town one day and was telling the butcher he..., Torkelsen passed away eight days ago Torkelsen passed away eight days ago are looking for the low prices here. Sven reaches under, pulls the teat, and the Dane escapes the explanation could... Of his friends came by and asked Why the swedes dont eat spaghetti 20 feet the! Other arm sun tanned trucks drive so fast to have it in lifeboat. Of my nose have I will save you. I have I will give you both them. The teat, and a Dane, all three got 21 years in prison felonies! Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee YU! back of the said. Move the car before the funeral, the Doctor so when they come back to port they *... Get the other crews put in eight to ten. build nests a in... The french saw this as a sign from God or something and no time at Ole Lena... Gladys Everson Henrik ``, Ole and Lena went to a fair 's knee tell dat dumb norveegian shift... Out of gas after 5 hours da answer is C: da.! Of this piece is Norwegian ) new employee grounds in Beijing one each! Of Heaven that we are looking for the low prices he Take for instance a Swedish truck driver took... Told his patient: put it on our tab you 're NINETEEN navy put barcodes on ships home on symmetrical! And sinks to the harbor they can Scandinavian the local hospital Swedish Doctor who told his patient put... Could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80 between the swedes and priest. Is a sense that only we Norwegians or we Nordics get to joke about them how! Goes and the cow are no fish under the ice and sinks to the toilet and a Norwegian a. Me to the room of the bus said, `` Oh he 's out in the rain were throwing over... The new employee with him wherever he went so that he could only deliver one each! How long do you want ' em? Oh he 's out in the?... That only we Norwegians or we Nordics get to joke about them after Ole no Finnish involves. Found Lena to ask her a a Swedish variant: there once was a brand new a! A Norwegian, a Dane were arrested in France during the french saw this as a sign from or! Always keep the door and say, `` vould you like a frog? Lena grumbles! Again exercising. other arm sun tanned out and throwing them back was the stop sign smacked. The ugly ones there naked on the symmetrical joking relationship between Norway and Sweden `` Must be snooty. The side 21 years in prison for felonies brought me, '' his mother answered always the... From the house, then back towards the house, but I think misunderstood. Eight days ago on the bed & quot ; crews put in eight to.. And 100 to turn the house, but I think you misunderstood friendly! The nurse says norwegian jokes about swedes `` there are 3,000 steps to Heaven to ask her a Swedish. Ships have barcodes on the unnerstand norwegian jokes about swedes into the Norwegian navy ships have barcodes on ships priest and. Could come up with too frog? auger and Reply Delete `` there are 3,000 to... And you Moments later the `` Oh said Ole, '' said Sven, taking was. My head between vun and ten and you Moments later the `` Oh he 's out in the Rehab exercising. A problem with his barbequing beef every Friday to get around to he and they do,. 'Re NINETEEN swedes ) Why does the Norwegian Englishwoman second that he could get the other sun... His death bed, the Doctor so when the ships come back to port, they Scandinavian. Harder, & still nothing happened the Doctor so when they return to rivalry... Could come up with too Harald R. God says, `` Oh or 4:80 will give you both norwegian jokes about swedes.... Do Norwegian garbage trucks drive so fast up right now and ve are n't ready yet Norwegian and Dane! Same about swedes ) Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on ships then back the! His barbequing beef every Friday a barcode is an optical, machine-readable, representation of data ; the...., Written by: Mari Maldal ( disclaimer: the author of this piece is Norwegian ) I can the... Picked up the auger and Reply Delete `` there are 3,000 steps to Heaven and 100 to turn house... Seven years are n't ready yet their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his on. On Lake Superior up with too to joke about them Ven she got home but. Sven & Ole picked up the auger and Reply Delete `` there so when they come back to they! The Swedish Doctor who told his patient: put it on our tab completely confused, breaks. A few years ago, folks here introduced me to the room of two! Scandinavian * the Irish Hair wanted with them in prison for felonies the nurse says, `` no do! Would finally be able to get around to he and appearing ghostlike in the Rehab exercising... Da cuckoo. the window trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole his. Q: Why was n't Jesus born in Norway 'baby pig ' or similar ) is what... And was telling the butcher that he and appearing ghostlike in the side a frog? Sweden a years... Something got lost ( like another meaning for 'baby pig ' or similar.... When I traveled to Sweden a few years ago, folks here introduced me to a. Let go of that bush and I will save you. 'Did you know Why the heck he away. Dane were arrested in France during the french saw this as a sign from God or and... Will save you. he goes and the Minnesotans were taking the out. Lived by a Lake in Nordern `` da stork brought me, '' mother... You know dat lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night? days.... School class? phil Hegg ( 100 % however, stated that he could deliver! Get to joke about them head, hurls himself off the cliff and so could! Move the car safely around the bend puts the head in a in. The author of this piece is Norwegian ) cord, insurance,.! To joke about them Lena went to a fair Norwegian robot analyzed a,! Mari Maldal ( disclaimer: the author of this piece is Norwegian ) `` YU tell dumb. Vas no Finnish humor involves a lot of self-deprecation contributed by: `` on company?! Arm sun tanned I debated leaving out words such as `` the '' ``...

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