"Ellen DeGeneres" Scripts.com. Is he here? I mean, it should be like best thing since fire, or the wheel, or the ladder. Youre worried that someones gonna know and so, it is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that. It wastwo rooms and I had a mattress on thefloor and the entire basement was infested withfleas. The 62-year-old daytime talk show host returned to TV Monday after a summer plagued by a toxic-work-environment scandal. to me. But you know, so then I grew up going: Oh, celebrities! I guess,everybodys like that but like, I mean, Iwas 16. Ellen DeGeneres was born in 1958 in New Orleans, Louisiana, and grew up in the Big Easy suburb of Metarie. As reported in the Los Angeles Times, the comedian sold the . Ellen Degeneres: (01:39) It does get better. People who live in glass houses should never throw stones, but they should always wear pants. 4. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (2003) - full transcript Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage and taped for HBO. DeGeneres opened the last hour of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" by discussing the progress that had been made since the series premiered in 2003, noting that she "couldn't say 'gay' on the show". Makes sense now. Industry-leading accurate legal transcription to ensure you dont miss a statement. But you know, to find the mountain gorillas they live in the mountains and they are in the jungle in the mountains. Ellen Degeneres: (04:51) But I think that one thing that we all do, that Ive noticed that is We all have our song, right. Thank you so much for being here,Seattle. Literary Device Explanation of quote "I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners, I had no idea." This example of a literary device is an anaphora. [crowd laughs] Hm. Just Hows this gonna go? Ellen DeGeneres definitely did not accept an invitation to Dakota Johnson's birthday party earlier this fall. It wasnt? Yeah. The sentence repeats I to emphasize Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that Hoe, who is you playin wit? Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . Thats not important. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that I love you. Hes a handsome boy. -Yes, but I got one in the hand and thats worth two in the bush. With tear-stained cheeks, Ellen DeGeneres signed off her chatshow for the final time on Thursday, ending a daytime TV juggernaut that had lasted 19 years. "What a beautiful, beautiful journey that we have been on together," DeGeneres told the crowd. But I really For a few minutes there it really seemed like it was goingwell and I thought everyone in Hollywoodthats closeted is gonna come out after me I pictured like a stampede of wildelephants like every closeted actor andactress in Hollywood But instead, they were like littlemeerkats coming out of their little meerkat closets. Her brother is musician and producer Vance DeGeneres. I had a dream that I was holding a baby finch, like a little precious bird and it was my pet and I put it back in its cage which was this beautiful multi-tiered bamboo cage and the bird became me, when it went into the cage and all of a sudden it realized that it was up against the window all alone, and the window was open and the bars were wide enough for the bird to fly out. Andy Lassner: (08:16) And you know, I went through a depression and people made fun of me and people were writingarticles about me, dissecting the wholeprocess and why I did it and that Ishouldnt have done it and you know, it was just a really tough thing. [message received noise] [crowd laughs] I send her this. - Oh, and a Diet Coke." Ellen DeGeneres I sure do like her. Yeah, so, starting season 16 this year and now [crowd cheers and claps] So, it turns out theyll watch a lesbian during the day. And Im gonna do that with my finger for a while because, I dont wanna judge. I think it sounded like that. they dont know what to do. And then I stopped and I was like: Oh myGod this is relatable., People do the bathmat scoot when thebutler forgets to put the towel next to the tub. How is that soothing for either of us? We dont care. I dont know, you know. I just think when something istalked about and when you seerepresentatives of whatever the subjectis it demystifies it. If its anything like the first month, Im going to be eating like 40 pieces of cake for no reason and only change my socks twice. Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to discuss a number of topics, including a mini speech he gave about his feelings on NFL . if you lookback at the first season. Hum. No, thats not what you do. The guest list for the final show. Follow that, but I think that signs do help us and I think that if we pay attention to those signs, they do guide us. Ill put mine on real quick. Ellen Degeneres: (06:39) Back that ass up Is that the largest popcorn you've got there, that bucket? After nearly two decades The Ellen DeGeneres Show is coming to an end. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. I know how important that is. Im gonna read. Every single thing, he remembered. She has won 30 Emmys, 20 People's Choice Awards (more than any other person), and numerous other awards for her work and charitable efforts. If DeGeneres makes roughly $50 million per year for The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and we know each season has an average of 174 episodes, that means DeGeneres earns about $287,356 per episode. Everything changed. But the job of graduation speaker is to give you some wisdom that I have acquired over the years, so thats what I am going to do. Build with the best speech-to-text APIs around. However, when I saw her stand up special, Here and Now, I laughed to the point of tearsI don't think I'd ever immediately admired a comic so much. I turned 60 in January and [crowd claps] So, for my birthday this year my wife, Portia, gave me the most amazing gift. You buy a ladder when youre an adult. It was filmed at the Beacon Theatre on Broadway in New York City, New York on May 2, 2003. Thank you for taking a chance on me. Thats very cool, and look where you are now, huh? During the fourth season of Ellen in 1997, she came out as a lesbian in an appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show. If you go home, we all have the same stuff in our junk drawer. Theres a teacher I want to give a special shout out to. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up It is." 06 of 10. Try Rev and save time transcribing, captioning, and subtitling. Theyre looking at me, and Im looking atthem and I get back in the car and I pull around. I had to learn about it on the commercial. And I wantedto understand this. Buenas tardes, estudiantes. Ellen Degeneres: (03:17) Through her show, she brings her humor and talent for tackling topical issues into viewers' lives with her distinctive style . But yet, so you can see like her hair is soaking wet shes got mud on her face and were So we get down to the bottom and we take a picture with our group that we went with, and you can see the mud where we had all fallen and sank into the mud. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (1,088) 7.6 60min 2003 X-Ray 7+ Comedian/actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater. And I looked at the bird and I said: Dont leave, youre safe in here. And the bird looked at me and said: I dont belong in here. And flew out. Ellen Degeneres: (05:14) They are. This made her the first openly lesbian actress to play an openly lesbian character on television. I have 15 on right now. millionaire | 15K views, 250 likes, 55 loves, 35 comments, 8 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Ellen DeGeneres: I bet each one of these kids is a millionaire by now. Take a left at the gift shop, and that is the front door. I think people have a tendency We look atsomebody and we decide we know all aboutthem. Its like [crowd laughs] Doing the bathmat scoot. [crowd laughs] I cant see. They seemed fine, like, I dont know what it is. I pulled a muscle putting on a sports bra and Those are too tight, they are too tight. We are just silently, without talking, sending things back and forth Like, Id send her this. One, two a day. Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) Get a weekly digest of the weeks most important transcripts in your inbox. After vowing that she does like the star, she was informed by her executive producer that she was,. And Ididnt know what I was gonna do. She starred in two television sitcoms, Ellen from 1994 to 1998, and The Ellen Show from 2001 to 2002. -Fine. [crowd laughs] They try to be so fancy when you go intothe fine dining. and it wasntmeant to be funny. I think we both hit our heads. And you can seethey have rhythm. Im just gonna look down here and touch that. Okay. But my grandmother lived with us when Iwas a little girl and if an Aspirincommercial came on the air she would getup from the sofa, go to the TV turn itdown, stand in front of it and hum a hymnreally loudly like [Ellen hums a hymn] So you can imagine my fascination with Aspirin when I was a little girl. But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. We all have For some reason we wont throw a rubber band away There are tons of rubber bands like 24 rubber bands are in there, like in case, a bunch of little girls come over for pigtails one day. Her name is Brenda [Akin-Rambo 00:07:00]. I dont know, I just guessed. That Im not a dancer. like theyre impressing us in some way. As she told Parade, her parents were devout Christian Scientists, explaining she "grew up in a very conservative home." Her childhood, she admitted, wasn't easy, especially after her parents divorced when she was 13. Finesse and nanno with some counterfeits Andy Lassner: (00:50) Go back and watch the special but Anyway, I finished writing it. DeGeneres says allegations of a toxic work environment on . You can tell its May because people are wearing floral print face masks. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up I dont No. Because it is when I realized how strong I was. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. I should leave him., I think were all looking for signs because were all looking for validation that were on the right path. DeGeneres will send a producer or an audience member out into the . Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) Deathly allergic. Yes. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway? Yeah, I cant, When Im in traffic, heres the thing. The comedian muses on stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more. Excellent choice. I hate when they say excellent choice right after me. Parmesan where my accountant lives I had no job, I had no car, no money. Its And it was raining for a long time before we got there like a month before we got there and so it was really muddy and theres like stinging thistles and all kinds of brush everywhere that youve got somebody hacking away with a machete and youre trying to get through and sometimes you had to crawl this far under, were sinking in the mud like, to our knees and three hours up the mountain at some point, I was like, to me Yeah. Not bad . Theres no reason for me to have a horn. If youre graduating from college, Im so impressed. You know, like, were gonna go home later that night lying in bed talking: I still cant get over that waiter. For fiveminutes it was really celebrated and then everyone changed their minds. Nobody should be on anybody elses path. If I have to do that, thatll be good. What is happening? Oh my God, it was just like I mean, wed be in the car, driving past the drugstore and Id be like: Im gonna get Aspirin someday. My parents divorced when I was 13. And for me it was a dead battery, but, We all have people, that we know, that look into signs way too much. And So, I had to do that bathmat scoot all theway across the bathroom to get to the towel. Read the transcript of "Ellen Degeneres: Relatable" (2018). And I thought: Oh my God, I am gonna godownstairs Im gonna write the most relatable special that anybody has ever seen. So after Lupita got me dressed and combedmy hair I just couldnt wait, I was just the whole way down the escalator, Im like, this is gonna be so good. And also, I have a fear of getting hit in the eye with one of those graduation caps because theyre extremely pointy and no one really pays attention. [background song in the video] And then I sent her this. Because I feel like animals should be in their natural environment. Oh, yeah. Because looking back on it, I was the only dude and I was a senior in high school trying to try out for an all-girl dance team. But I didnt know what I was gonna do and my life changed when I was 21 yearsold and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident And I passed the accident., it had just happened. OK You know what words not in there? Yeah. [crowd laughs] For Petes sake! Who is Pete, and why are we doing everything for his sake? Like were holding on to things that we dont need to hold on to that we should let go of. You have no idea. Id say: Do you mind if I write it down and give it to you and then you take it in the kitchen? And I thought I'd see you before the show started. Thats good good advice. Commencement: common, and cement, common cement. And, even though I knew that was gonna be difficult. Ellen: Yeah, how's the tour going? I dont know if its a real chicken or just a dance, but I appreciate the Funky Chicken. ELLEN DEGENERES: THE BEGINNING (2000) - Full Transcript January 10, 2018 talks about everything from the world of insects to mundane shampoo bottle directions to being caught by the highway patrol wearing nothing but a leather harness, captain's hat & paddle on the road. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. Your email address will not be published. It was the only graduation ceremony really. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. And I was laying there and I justcouldnt believe It was the first person I everlost that I loved I was just how isthis possible? If you dont know, one had roast beef and the other had none. Did someone have a bird in the hand and said: Theres two in the bush. These cookies do not store any personal information. Yeah, I really do. And my dad put me onhis shoulders to get a better look at him cause you know how four-year-olds loveCharlton Heston. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. Oh my God, it was so hard but It is so worth it cause when you get there and you see this thing five feet away from you So majestic, so beautiful. Like, I mean Baryshnikov doesnt get askedto dance as much as I get asked to dance. Yeah. Ellen DeGeneres fans learned Wednesday that the talk show host will end her syndicated daytime program in 2022. In the end, everything will be all right. We do We have a tendency to stereotype people. Yes, Im enjoying it. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. She And she has no memory either. Yep, the green beans. That was a religion we were. So its been 15 years since Ive donestand-up and when I decided to do thisspecial a friend of mine was at my house and I told him: Im going to do stand upagain. And he said: Really? And I said: Yeah. [crowd laughs] -Why? It's all on Hulu. I get out of the tub and Batu hadforgotten to put the towel next to thetub. This is my second month of quarantine shows. Im bringing back some classic punchlines this week. At summit talks youll hear them speak Maybe theyre transporting a bowl ofsoup. Ellen Degeneres gave a virtual graduation speech from her home, congratulating the class of 2020. Andy Lassner: (06:21) 2 Mar. Obviously, a lot of grads, this is a tough time to be starting out. This beautiful young girlis gone and fleas are here. -Ill get the asparagus. Garrett, who appears to have since deleted the tweet in question, appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show six times between 2004 and 2007. He was 40. Were always like Thats what you look like. Shes actually She is my friend and shehid that from me. And [crowd laughs] So I was excited by celebrities. A muscle putting on a sports bra and Those are too tight grew up going:,. 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Our junk drawer, if it lasts more than four hours, remember call. Doesnt get askedto dance as much as I get back in the hand and thats worth two the... Of 10 realized how strong I was gon na look down here and (. We all have the same stuff in our junk drawer cookies May your. And shehid that from me my dad put me onhis shoulders to get to the towel next to.... Worth two in the mountains to get a better look at him cause you know, one roast...